You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
My mom just asked me if I can obtain a fake ID by thursday
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
