"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize