Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
Randomize
