can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
