I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You're having sex and i just smoked and made oatmeal...i'll give you some time to be jealous
If you dedicate your next bite to me, I'll dedicate my first orgasm to you.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
sick fucks of a feather flock together
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
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