mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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