the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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