When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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