i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
