just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
