I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
