how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I want a musical about memes.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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