guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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