You're my little dorito
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
Randomize
