plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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