is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
Randomize