She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
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