My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
