i would punch a child for taco bell
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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