They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
and then you yelled "out of the way, i'm a lifeguard!" and everyone let us through
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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