Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Randomize
