I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
I want a musical about memes.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
