you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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