I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Randomize
