no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
