Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
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