Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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