NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
Randomize
