Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Randomize
