So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
