Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Climbing through a window thats four feet off the ground isnt the easiest thing when youre high, trust me.
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
