I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
