i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
haha you were so trashed that you deleted all of your christian music from itunes and kept saying"c-ya God, nice knowin ya"
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Randomize
