Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
