from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
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she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just told my mom sparks is a health drink. Officially getting hammered on the way to the beach.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
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Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
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