He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Of course his biggest mistake was assuming that I ever gave a fuck to begin with.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
