Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
