So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
ejected that DVD during the department meeting.. it was our porn from last night. I have a new nick-name at work.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
Randomize
