carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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