Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
