FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
