Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
