why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
