I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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