I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Cleaning my pipe and using the left over resin solution to make THC laced rolling papers and a jar of hash oil/honey for my tea
WE USE THE WHOLE BUFFALO
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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