Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
If he's the sort of guy that will fuck in a public restroom, he's the sort of guy that will cheat on his gf. I'm goin for it.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
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