I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
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