so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
guess where i woke up this morning? If you guessed the hospital, you sir are correct.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
