Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
Randomize
