Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
