That's intense
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
