Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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