i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
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