I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
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