That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Randomize
