you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
