im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
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