I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
he told me I talked like a deaf person
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Randomize
