So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
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