So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
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