Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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