the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
Randomize
