you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
Randomize
