She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
So watch family guy till our brains melt and then bang till our bodies hurt?
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
