Even water is tasting like jack daniels
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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