Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
