Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
