if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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