My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
All I know is I drank too much, danced too little.. yet somehow woke up on the floor in the arms of some cowboy.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
