I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
