it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
i think im in europe. pls send help
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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