I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I may do that, fyi I'm even more sore than I was yesterday. It's like the ghost of your dick is still inside me.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Randomize
