I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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